


What Can Never Be

by agoodtuckering



Series: Doctor Who Oneshots and Stories [19]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, Kate and Twelve are perfect, Original Character(s), Romance, Sorry to break everyone's feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 05:12:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15357012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoodtuckering/pseuds/agoodtuckering
Summary: The Doctor answers a hopeful request: to bring Kate Stewart's Zygon, a female named Valindra, on an adventure and take her far away from Planet Earth forever.





	What Can Never Be

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write this idea down. It takes place after the Zygon Inversion and Invasion, but before the end of the Series 9.

“You agreed to take me somewhere first, didn’t you?”  
  
The Doctor turned and cast a glance towards Kate Stewart. But she wasn’t _really_ Kate, no. She was a Zygon. Still, she was hiding behind the guise of Kate’s face. It stirred something inside of him, something he had long since ignored.

With a soft sigh, she leant back against the console and watched him. He was older, this _him._ He wore a dark coat, one with red lining, dark trousers, and Loake’s boots. They were shiny, too. His jumper had little holes in it that made he want to chuckle. He was ridiculous and wonderfully so.

“You said you didn’t want to stay,” the Doctor said slowly, turning again to toss another look her way. “After the Zygon Invasion, _you_ sought me out, Valindra. You wanted to leave Earth and find somewhere new to live. I agreed. Here I am. I can’t say I blame you much at all. Now what?”

It was true. She didn’t want to stay. After the invasion, she wanted nothing more than to leave. She’d been peacefully living in New York City until her brethren had found her. She vowed, after the incident with the other Doctor, _the eleventh Doctor,_ that she would leave and never look back. She never stole anyone else’s identities. She couldn’t bear to.

_She stayed Kate._

She crossed her arms protectively against her chest as she rested there, gently and delicately leaning back against the control panel but far enough away from any buttons that she wouldn’t send them flying off to Gods knew where. She wasn’t about to flick any switches or tap or turn any knobs by accident.

She didn’t even notice his nearness until she picked her head up and found him so much closer than before. “I gave you the number to this TARDIS because I knew if anyone needed me, it might be be you. You just… had that _look.”_

She saw something there in his eyes. He was _bearing himself_ to her, making some sort of confession in between his words. He knew she wanted far, far away from this place. He understood that desire all too well and he would help her if he could. He would take her somewhere safe for a Zygon.

She reached a gentle hand up to gently pat his jacket lapel, despite his obvious aversion to touch. Then, slowly, she said, “I have Kate’s emotions. I have her memories and her feelings and her views. I even have her political opinions… They’re knocking around in my head. It’s why we prefer to be ourselves. Our mind’s are quieter that way, you know. But I’ve been with her, in a way, inside my mind for so long now. For a years, now.”

He listened, silently watching her and taking in each of the expressions that chased her face. He knew that face so well. His brow rose before asking, “Then what is it?”

She cast her gaze up towards him and her expression turned thoughtful. “Do you know what it’s like to have someone else’s memories clanking around inside of your mind?”

He chuckled just then. “In a way, yes,” he answered her, bringing a smile to her lips as well. She simply shook her head in amusement, knowing full well that he really _did_ understand that. Of course he did. He’d lived so many lives.

“I’ve grown to… feel the way she had about some things,” she tried to explain, grasping for words to explain her emotions. “Some people, too.”

That was when it hit him. He understood.

She reached up to lay a gentle hand upon his cheek, not mind that this face was different than the last. It never affected Kate any, despite how she might have teased him for it.

“You were close to her father. To Kate’s father,” Valindra said. “You were close to her, too. I can see it in your eyes when you look at _me._ I’m not her. I know that, I do. But I have _her_ feelings, her memories, and her experiences. I feel exactly how she felt for you. All those emotions… They’re rattling around in my mind and it’s just too much. I don’t know how she can bear it…”

Without another word, she reached up on tiptoes and slowly pressed her lips to his. It was a tender, tentative kiss. She lingered for a long moment before drawing back for a breath. “I’m sorry,” she began to say, but was cut off by _his_ lips.

_Kissing a Zygon now? Well, that wasn’t entirely new._

He was kissing her again, far less timidly this time. She could practically feel his rapid heartbeats beneath a finger as she held his face and slid her hand into his soft, curly hair. It felt so wrong, but it seemed so right. She just needed to act on this one compelling _desire_ inside of her, screaming out for him, and it was all Kate’s. It wasn’t her own. Yet, she and Kate had become one. For her, anyway. In his body. She felt that same way.

Perhaps she’d been in this body for so long that her feelings had _become_ Kate’s. Either way, she didn't care. He was kissing her and it was doing funny things to her belly. She was clinging to him, unaware of even touching him until he drew away for a long, gasping breath.

She fought to catch her breath before telling him, “You should tell her. Tell her how you feel, Doctor.” There was such _sadness_ in her heart. He heard it. Felt it, even. It was radiating off of her in waves. She couldn’t have him. He wasn't anyone's. _No one could really have him._

His hand gently brushed her cheek and he pressed the softest of kisses to her lips. Just one, final peck. “I can’t,” he confessed softly, voice barely a whisper. Their breaths were soft, commingling for a tick or two before they each released one another and he found comfort in typing away at a keyboard at the navigation controls.

“Some things just aren’t meant to be,” he said sadly, feeling all too vulnerable now. It was like she could almost _physically_ see him reconstructing the armor he wore. His eyes were glossy, though. Hazy, too, as if he was lost to thought.

“I think that’s a shame,” she simply said, crossing her arms over her chest and brushing her fingers over her lips. If that was all they ever had, she was grateful. She would cherish those kisses and the way he’d held her, even if he was imagining that she was someone else. Or maybe he wasn’t. Perhaps it didn’t matter, either way.

“Show me somewhere new,” she said, feigning excitement and trying to perk herself up. When he cast a soft smile in her direction, she knew it was working, _for them both._ They could be happy. They could certainly do this. She wanted to have a _real_ friend.

“Anywhere in Time and Space,” he told her. “You decide, and I’ll take you there. Maybe we could visit Titan for ice cream, or head over to Proserpina. They have fantastic book shops, you know. Anywhere you want. Or we could go on an adventure together!”

His mind was running wild and prancing off from his own. She could see the excitement in his eyes. She could only laugh and allow herself to be swept up in all the fun.

“Right! An adventure, then!” She paused. “Is there anywhere you’ve always wanted to go?”

He was already typing away and plugging in coordinates. “Right. What Clara doesn’t know won’t hurt her. There are a few places she’s always said no to, but… Oh well! C’mon, then!”

And off they went, away and away, spinning through Time and Space.

_Some things just weren’t meant to be, but a little adventure never hurt anybody, had it?_


End file.
